Really Funny Stuff

Racist White Joke 1
What do you call a white boy screaming as dragged down the highway behind a black man’s pickup truck?
A white lane marker.

Racist White Joke 2
Why shouldnt white people go swimming?
Because crackers get soggy when wet.

Racist White Joke 3
Why can’t white people jump?
Because inbreeding prohibits it.

Racist White Joke 4
What do you call a white bitch shaking her ass?
An ironing board with massage features.

Racist White Joke 5
Why did the white guy cross the road?
To get away from the black guy coming toward him.

Racist White Joke 6
What do you call 200 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Racist Nigger Joke 1
How do you get a nigger out of the tree?
You cut the rope.

Racist Nigger Joke 2
What are 3 things you can not give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

Racist Nigger Joke 3
What do you call a nigger going down a water slide?
Sewage!

Racist Nigger Joke 4
What do you call a nigger with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick!

Racist Nigger Joke 5
Whats long and hard on a nigger?
First grade.

Racist Nigger Joke 6
What’s the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
The Bucket!

One Liner Black Joke 1
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.

One Liner Black Joke 2
What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A rotten banana.

One Liner Black Joke 3
What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?
You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

One Liner Black Joke 4
Have you ever seen a black person on the Jetsons?
NO. Looks like a good future doesn’t it?

One Liner Black Joke 5
What do u call a black priest?
Holy shit.

“Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?”

“How old are you now?”

“Forty.”

“Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?”

“No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven’t any vices.”

“Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?”

Father: “Well, son, you certainly made a fool of yourself! That girlfriend of yours robbed you of every cent you had.”

Son: “Well, dad, you have to hand it to me for picking them clever.”

The packer from Chicago admired a picture by Rosa Bonheur.

“How much is that?” he demanded. The dealer quoted the price as $5,000.

“Holy pig’s feet!” the magnate spluttered. “For that money, I can buy live hogs and——”

His wife nudged him in the ribs, and whispered:

“Don’t talk shop.”

“Tell me, does your husband snore?”

“Oh, yes, indeed—so delightfully.”

“What?”

“Yes, really—he’s so musical you know, his voice is baritone, he only snores operatic bits, mostly Aida.”

The mother called in vain for her young son. Then she searched the ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic—all in vain. Finally, she climbed to the trap door in the roof, pushed it open, and cried:

“John Henry, are you out there?”

An answer came clearly:

“No, mother. Have you looked in the cellar?”

The young man applied to the manager of the entertainment museum for employment as a freak, and the following dialogue occurred:

“Who are you?”

“I am Enoch, the egg king.”

“What is your specialty?”

“I eat three dozen hen’s eggs, two dozen duck eggs, and one dozen goose eggs, at a single setting.”

“Do you know our program?”

“What is it?”

“We give four shows every day.”

“Oh, yes, I understand that.”

“And do you think you can do it?”

“I know I can.”

“On Saturdays we give six shows.”

“All right.”

“On holidays we usually give a performance every hour.”

And now, at last, the young man showed signs of doubt.

“Yes, ma’am,” the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, “I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg.”

“Merciful providence!” his hearer gasped. “And what did you do?”

“Let ‘im ‘ave the leg, o’ course, ma’am. I never argues with sharks.”