Funny Jokes

The most absent-minded of clergymen was a Methodist minister who served several churches each Sunday, riding from one to another on horseback. One Sunday morning he went to the stable while still meditating on his sermon and attempted to saddle the horse. After a long period of toil, he aroused to the fact that he [...]

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The little boy, sent to the butcher shop, delivered himself of his message in these words: “Ma says to send her another oxtail, please, an’ ma says the last one was very nice, an’ ma says she wants another off the same ox!”

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The absentminded inventor perfected a parachute device. He was taken up in a balloon to make a test of the apparatus. Arrived at a height of a thousand feet, he climbed over the edge of the basket, and dropped out. He had fallen two hundred yards when he remarked to himself, in a tone of [...]

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The woman confessed to her crony: “I’m growing old, and I know it. Nowadays, the policeman never takes me by the arm when he escorts me through the traffic.”

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The packer from Chicago admired a picture by Rosa Bonheur. “How much is that?” he demanded. The dealer quoted the price as $5,000. “Holy pig’s feet!” the magnate spluttered. “For that money, I can buy live hogs and——” His wife nudged him in the ribs, and whispered: “Don’t talk shop.”

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“Tell me, does your husband snore?” “Oh, yes, indeed—so delightfully.” “What?” “Yes, really—he’s so musical you know, his voice is baritone, he only snores operatic bits, mostly Aida.”

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The man of the house finally took all the disabled umbrellas to the repairer’s. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman [...]

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Warning, some of these jokes are not particularly nice, you’ve been warned. Dead Baby Joke 01 What’s the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn’t harm the atmosphere when you burn it. Dead Baby Joke 02 What’s the difference between a dead baby and a table? You can’t fuck [...]

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The Yankee tourist described glowingly the statue of a beautiful woman which he had seen in an art museum abroad. “And the way she stood, so up and coming, was grand. But,” he added, with a tone of disgust, “those foreigners don’t know how to spell. The name of the statue was Posish’—and it was [...]

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The cross-eyed man at the ball bowed with courtly grace, and said: “May I have the pleasure of this dance?” Two wallflowers answered as with one voice: “With pleasure.”

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