The most absent-minded of clergymen was a Methodist minister who served several churches each Sunday, riding from one to another on horseback. One Sunday morning he went to the stable while still meditating on his sermon and attempted to saddle the horse. After a long period of toil, he aroused to the fact that he had put the saddle on himself, and had spent a full half hour in vain efforts to climb on his own back.

Racist White Joke 1
What do you call a white boy screaming as dragged down the highway behind a black man’s pickup truck?
A white lane marker.

Racist White Joke 2
Why shouldnt white people go swimming?
Because crackers get soggy when wet.

Racist White Joke 3
Why can’t white people jump?
Because inbreeding prohibits it.

Racist White Joke 4
What do you call a white bitch shaking her ass?
An ironing board with massage features.

Racist White Joke 5
Why did the white guy cross the road?
To get away from the black guy coming toward him.

Racist White Joke 6
What do you call 200 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.

Racist White Joke 7
How many white girls does it take to screw in a light?
None, white girls can’t screw.

Racist White Joke 8
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA

Racist White Joke 9
What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection?
Crackers with cheese.

Racist White Joke 10
What does a white woman and a tampon have in common?
Both are stuck up cunts.

“Tell me, does your husband snore?”

“Oh, yes, indeed—so delightfully.”

“What?”

“Yes, really—he’s so musical you know, his voice is baritone, he only snores operatic bits, mostly Aida.”

“Do you think I shall live until I’m ninety, doctor?”

“How old are you now?”

“Forty.”

“Do you drink, gamble, smoke, or have you any vices of any kind?”

“No. I don’t drink, I never gamble, I loathe smoking; in fact, I haven’t any vices.”

“Well, good heavens, what do you want to live another fifty years for?”

The editor of the local paper was unable to secure advertising from one of the business men of the town, who asserted stoutly that he himself never read ads., and didn’t believe anyone else did.

“Will you advertise if I can convince you that folks read the ads.?” the editor asked.

“If you can show me!” was the sarcastic answer. “But you can’t.”

In the next issue of the paper, the editor ran a line of small type in an obscure corner. It read:

“What is Jenkins going to do about it?”

The business man, Jenkins, hastened to seek out the editor next day. He admitted that he was being pestered out of his wits by the curious. He agreed to stand by the editor’s explanation in the forthcoming issue, and this was:

“Jenkins is going to advertise, of course.”

Having once advertised, Jenkins advertises still.

The little boy, sent to the butcher shop, delivered himself of his message in these words:

“Ma says to send her another oxtail, please, an’ ma says the last one was very nice, an’ ma says she wants another off the same ox!”

The mother called in vain for her young son. Then she searched the ground floor, the first story, the second, and the attic—all in vain. Finally, she climbed to the trap door in the roof, pushed it open, and cried:

“John Henry, are you out there?”

An answer came clearly:

“No, mother. Have you looked in the cellar?”

The clergyman, absorbed in thinking out a sermon, rounded a turn in the path and bumped into a cow. He swept off his hat with a flourish, exclaiming:

“I beg your pardon, madam.”

Then he observed his error, and was greatly chagrined. Soon, however, again engaged with thoughts of the sermon, he collided with a lady at another bend of the path.

“Get out of the way, you brute!” he said.

Racist Nigger Joke 1
How do you get a nigger out of the tree?
You cut the rope.

Racist Nigger Joke 2
What are 3 things you can not give a nigger?
A black eye, a fat lip and an education.

Racist Nigger Joke 3
What do you call a nigger going down a water slide?
Sewage!

Racist Nigger Joke 4
What do you call a nigger with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick!

Racist Nigger Joke 5
Whats long and hard on a nigger?
First grade.

Racist Nigger Joke 6
What’s the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit?
The Bucket!

Racist Nigger Joke 7
Whats the difference between a picknick table and a nigger?
The picknick table can support a family.

Racist Nigger Joke 8
Why are niggers getting hit by cars more in winter on snowy days?
They are easier to spot

Racist Nigger Joke 9
Why are niggers getting stronger?
TVs are getting bigger!

Racist Nigger Joke 10
Why do niggers have such big dicks?
God felt bad for putting pubes on their head.

The young man applied to the manager of the entertainment museum for employment as a freak, and the following dialogue occurred:

“Who are you?”

“I am Enoch, the egg king.”

“What is your specialty?”

“I eat three dozen hen’s eggs, two dozen duck eggs, and one dozen goose eggs, at a single setting.”

“Do you know our program?”

“What is it?”

“We give four shows every day.”

“Oh, yes, I understand that.”

“And do you think you can do it?”

“I know I can.”

“On Saturdays we give six shows.”

“All right.”

“On holidays we usually give a performance every hour.”

And now, at last, the young man showed signs of doubt.

“In that case, I must have one thing understood before I’d be willing to sign a contract.”

“What?”

“No matter what the rush of business is in the show, you’ve got to give me time to go to the hotel to eat my regular meals.”